Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I know it is like the mantra of all parents, but I AM SO TIRED!!! Anika has decided she is terrified in her own room and has not given me a full night sleep for over a week. I am so tired! It is amazing how much you can deal with when you get a proper night of rest but just now I feel pretty wired.

We have had a few excursions out fishing from the jetty (Anika and I caught a tiny Trumpeter), to the park, to Tumblejam with Grandma, to our lovely friend Julie's house (though it was very strange with Chloe at school), to Granny's for tea and to Mt Romance sandalwood factory to see Uncle Ben doing his wood turning. The kids hadn't seen Ben working on the lathe before and were mesmerised, probably as much by the enormous dust mask as by the machinery.

Josh and I headed up to the hospital not so bright but very early to start the wonders of chemo in Albany. When we had been there half an hour and Josh was being pre-hydrated we got the news that the chemo was not there..."well where is it then?" I asked poor stressed Jo. But it was a complete mystery so we continued waiting on the premise that the drugs had been misplaced in the hospital or that they hadn't been delivered when the truck came and would arrive shortly. To no avail. After two and a half hours a very well hydrated Josh and I left the hospital to try and enjoy the hot and humid day in the outside world in spite of our frustration.

At 3.30pm I had a call from Jo that the chemo had arrived; not must help at that hour really but I am so grateful for lovely Jo letting me know all was on track for tomorrow. Ho hum, we are used to waiting but I had been psyching myself up and was so anxious for things to go smoothly so we could say to any naysayers at PMH "Look, we did it and it worked perfectly!". That plan went down the crapper but I have to say that everyone has been so wonderful in helping this happen: darling Jo who will spend her weekend alone on the empty ward with us so Josh can have this chemo, Lesley who started the wheels in motion and kept them moving, Lynn for her encouragement and understanding, Felicity for trusting her instincts and being on side, Cathy for taking a gamble and being completely awesomely compassionate and last but certainly not least Suzanne for being the brilliant lady she is and making it all work. Of course there are many people behind the scenes doing leg work for us such as the beautiful David Mildenhall who I just cannot thank enough for everything, Sister Lee and PMH pharmacy for making sure everything is supplied and we all know what is happening. I always wondered how actors/resses had so many people to thank at awards ceremonies (I'm getting my practise in just in case there is a sudden desperate need for Bridget Jones look-alikes in Hollywood).

I am sorry we aren't very available to anyone right now, it isn't because we don't want to see anyone or be there but things are very changeable at the moment and I don't know from one hour to the next what we will be doing. My biggest fear is that once we come out the other side of this and are back into the "normal world" whether we will have anyone left or if we will be standing there alone because everyone else got sick of waiting and us not being there for them and buggered off. I know now everyone probably feels a bit indignant about me saying that like "of course we will stick by them, we are real friends not just in it for the good times!" but you must realise we have lost friends through this as people we thought were true friends drifted away because it was too hard. Yes, our closest frinds are still right here but honestly this is crap and there is only so much of someone elses crap you can take on board and cope with.

Thanks for listening to my pessimistic outburst but if you have made it to the bottom of this update you should be applauded! Thanks for reading and caring, much love and many hours sleep I hope,


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