May 07 our little boy was diagnosed Stage IV Neuroblastoma Untreated he’d have 2wks to live, given 30% for survival. Josh had 6 cycles of high dose chemo, surgeries, Mega-dose chemo and 6months of drug therapy. In June 08 his cancer returned. We went through palliative chemo and Josh was given his angel wings on 13th May 2009.
Last weekend on Mother's Day once again was Josh's angelversary. The third this time and of course once again a very sad Mother's Day for all us mummies with empty arms but full hearts and eyes brimming with tears. Of course I have my precious girl but if anyone else tells me to "look on the bright side" or "not let it get me down", I reserve the right to smack their front teeth out. Anika is a separate child, not a consolation prize!!!! I do not love her less than Josh, but she will never "make up for" Joshy not being here.
I miss his little hand on my arm and his sweet voice asking me "Are you OK Mummy? I love you mucha mucha." I miss his grumpy face when I got his wrong PJ's out and most of all I miss his bony cuddles and fuzzy head in endless squeezes.
This year I celebrated Josh's life and of becoming his mumma by visiting some of the places we had been together; the Margaret River Chocolate Factory, Simmos Icecreamery and Busselton Jetty. We also visited the places I would have taken him but had to instead carry him there in my heart like the Underwater Observatory, Ngilgi Cave, Reptile Park, Eagle's Heritage Raptor Rehabilitation Centre and Yallingup Maze. In return, he gave us rainbows to brighten the way.
I am so fortunate to have been able to share this week with my wonderful family and not be at home looking at his pictures and being in his room but by DOING in Josh's spirit of adventure. Thank you to Ben, Erin, Zac, Noah, Joel, Kelly, my Neeky and Pete. Especially thank you to my Mumma for being the driving force in pulling us all together and bankrolling what we couldn't manage without you, you are an amazing lady.
Thank you to Uncle, Julie and Renae for caring for our beloved pets and to Dad for the extra help when needed. Thanks to Danny and Lea for holding Pete up and keeping him busy. Thank you to all my other special angel mum's for being on this twisted path with us. Especially than you to my Joshy, my inspiration and my conscience, Anika, my sweetness and passion and Aaron, my fun spirit.
I think I am a bit tired and not making much sense, but just wanted to let you all know how grateful I am for the so many ways you make life bearable and encourage me to try and rebuild my broken heart a little each day.