Saturday, January 2, 2010


Daddy and Anika fishing at Whaler's cove

At Whalers Cove - Danny, Pete, Anika and Lea

Anika the Christmas Tree

Thank you to everyone for being so understanding over the holiday season that we aren't really feeling in much of a party mood. I think it is harder the further time goes by since we have seen Josh and held him in our arms. Not having him there ripping into his presents and admiring Anika's goodies and making a fuss about her and just being so excited is a very bitter pill to swallow. And there will be endless other christmasses, birthdays, events and milestones Joshy won't be here to share with us. It makes me wonder how much longer I can stand not having him here. Sometimes it feels so raw that I would swear my insides are being sucked out slowly. Don't be concerned I am going to be stupid though, I have a wonderful little girl right here with me to keep me going. I think my technique for getting through the day now is to push it down and get on with life and laugh wholeheartedly and then to let myself crumble when it gets too much. The wound heals from the inside out and the edges pull together a little more each day but there will always be a scar.

We had a lovely christmas in spite of our lost little man and had a seafood BBQ of yabbies, shark and lamb chops with Mum, Dad, Joel, Ben, Erin and Zac down at the beach. The kids splashed around and it was good not to be somewhere we had spent all the other christmasses with Josh, it would have been too hard. Mum did a great job of catering (as always) and we had yummy food, great weather and fantastic company *bliss*. Later on Pete's brother Danny and lovely Mum Lea came back down from Busselton on christmas night. Danny was one of Josh's very favourite people and it was good to have him stay with us until the 31st. Many of you know my mother-in-law was an angel for us during Josh's illness and now she is doing the same for Dan and his kids, she is a very special lady.

In the last month we have spent a lot of time at the beach, fishing, enjoying time with family and friends, doing all the things I think makes christmas so special. We have been thinking a lot about our other angel friends Blake, Naomi, James, Cameron, Kahlilla, Shakir, Jayden and others we did not know as/of well. I hope thier families find peace at this time of year knowing their precious child is not alone but among friends who walked the road with them and made it to their beautiful home in their own time. Ranita told me something a while ago that only made sense very recently to me that they choose their time to go very carefully, that there is often special significance to the time they pass away. I realised not long ago that Josh passed on the 2yr anniversary of the first day he entered the oncology ward at PMH on 13th May. I had spent ages thinking he had tried to make it to the anniversary of his diagnosis on 16th May. Not so, the nightmare really began for him on that day and it was fitting he ended the suffering on that day also.

Finally, I just want to quickly send out happy birthdays to some of those with birthdays coming up in the next couple of weeks; Mum, Lachie, Chloe, Aaron and a very happy anniversary to my husband of seven years on 11th January Peter. Through hard times and good has taken on a whole new meaning in the last three years but we're still here!

I am going now to have fun with my family, may you all have a fantastic year in 2010 and spread love and magic to your friends and family,


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